Keep Going to a Different Church | Lessons from the Last 15
Ada Calhoun, writes in her article, To Stay Married, Embrace Change in the New York Times on 4/21/2017, “Several long-married people I know have said this exact line: ‘I’ve had at least three marriages. They’ve just all been with the same person’.” It is the same in the church. If you don’t like the church to which you belong, wait for two years. She will be a different church. After 15 years at this one church, Trinity, I feel like I have had four different calls. Trinity First spanned about seven years and included learning names and stories and earning some credibility. Trinity Second was about three years of cruising, some status-quo cruise control, followed by a crash into my own limits. Between Trinity Second and Trinity Third, I had the gift of a sabbatical—more on that later. Trinity Third was a four-year season of renewed vision and vitality. Trinity Fourth was 2020 Coronatide meets political polarization which was the worst of times and the best of times, both of which have been exhausting. Four different jobs in one church, blessed Trinity.
There were different vocational opportunities offered along the way, some of them tempting. I do not regret sticking around for the same-address-different-Trinity. God has given the gift of deepened and healthier relationships through longevity. Substantive investment has translated into substantive dividend. The first seasons required more planting and weeding, these last seasons have included more harvest.
The driving force of change in church life is personal. Some think changing the music or the program will bring transformation. Growing maturity in one believer changes the atmosphere in the whole community. If there is any measure of repentance in a church, there will be change. Every baptism changes a church, as does every burial. Reading a book together can change a church. An act of generosity can change a church. Carole changed our church, before she died and after she died. The kindergarten teacher set a get-along tone. On her death bed, Carole told me that Trinity would be receiving a financial bequest. I asked her if she intended anything with the gift. She said, “I just want it to go to a church in unity.”
“Pastors and people that stick around bear some witness, though imperfect, to a God who sticks around. ”
Luther’s first of ninety-five theses addressed the daily necessity of change. “The whole life of the believer is to be one of repentance.” A healthy church is marked by people who are changing their thinking, changing their direction, changing their orientation, changing. What is a reformation without change? The best kind of change comes from the Spirit himself. The Spirit fills what is empty. The Spirit gifts what is impoverished. The Spirit renews what is ancient. The Spirit refreshes the memory of the forgetful. The Spirit convicts and then comforts the guilty, by changing the verdict. The Spirit of God is the architect overseeing the construction, transformation, renovation, and the renewal of the church.
Earlier, I mentioned the sabbatical season between Trinity Second and Trinity Third. The week before my sabbatical, I spoke vulnerably to the Trinity community about some indications of sickness: impatience, entitlement, resentment, pride, real sin. I had shared about those sicknesses and sins with Joy (my wise wife), and elders, and availed myself of private confession and absolution regularly. But, I had run into my own limits. Hard. There were times Joy and I agreed that the pace and demands were unsustainable. One of the clearest signs of my brokenness was when I asked the Lord if I could get sick so I could have a break. That is sick.
“Holding on to one another with open hands is different than grasping the life out of one another.”
A spiritually sick pastor is not a long term blessing to the congregation. They end up barking at the flock, or worse, taking advantage of the flock in some way. That is the shepherd’s problem in Ezekiel. Who hasn’t seen or heard of pastors who fail in some cataclysmic way that disqualifies them from public ministry? Misuse of money-sex-power, and boom, damage is done to precious people, and to the public witness of the Gospel. Some of those pastors re-enter far too quickly, and some after a respectable amount of time has passed. Next comes a public statement about a ”restoration process". Before I was ordained, I decided I would live in a restoration process instead of wait until I did something terrifically stupid and damaging. If that restoration process meant coming clean about my stuff-I would do it. If it meant humbling myself before another brother or even a group-I would do it. If it meant renegotiating rhythms of grace so they were sustainable, I would do it. That is what I aimed to do in my sabbatical, a pre-emptive restoration process.
Sabbatical gave me new eyes and with them, new vision. I could see that my people-pleasing wasn’t helping anyone including the people I was trying to please. I could see that congregational members weren’t silently judging and trying to get every last drop of life out of me. They wanted a healthy pastor. That is what healthy congregations want. I could see our mission more clearly in San Pedro and even in our Vista Del Oro neighborhood with our local businesses and schools and medical communities.
The sabbatical gave Trinity new eyes too. Trinity was Trinity with or without me. They had gifts that I had unwittingly controlled or minimized. God had given leaders to lead, and creatives to create and caregivers to care. They found new opportunities and permission.
It is probably evident by now that I am pro-sabbatical. But, not just for pastors. I think everyone should be granted a sabbatical every once in a while. Instead of leaving a church because it is your only way to get out of being in too deep, grant a sabbatical. Like Oprah, you could start to say, “You get a sabbatical, and you get a sabbatical, everyone gets a sabbatical!” Holding on to one another with open hands is different than grasping the life out of one another. When the need for space presents itself, what if we gave each other freedom to go and explore what other churches are doing in our city or region. Send the one needing space on a mission. But, have them return, and report to the others what they discovered, what they learned.
Mary Lou told me, “Oh I left Trinity many times.” If it wasn’t about the role of women in leadership, it was about the pastor making his political views a little too clear. She said, “I would get so mad, I’d write the pastor a Monday morning nasty-gram, and off I went…but, I always came home.” Her mind hadn’t changed, but her eyes and vision did. She got some perspective. We all need perspective sometimes. Sabbaticals give each other some space every once in a while, but not too much space.
Pastors and people that stick around bear some witness, though imperfect, to a God who sticks around. When they remain through shadow times, they bear witness to a God who promises, “I will never leave you. I will not forsake you.” There are times to leave, without doubt. The Spirit is in charge of that call, and he blows where he wishes. But, don’t give up too soon. The Unchanging One is changing everything else, making all things new.
Lessons from the Last 15 is a series of articles from Pastor Nathan Hoff on the occasion of his 15th year in ministry at Trinity San Pedro.
“It seems like they need me,” I said pretentiously to a dear family I was visiting in the first congregation I served. Just shy of three years at that Call, I broke the news about our upcoming relocation to Southern California. It was the Fall of 2005, and I had recently received and accepted a new Call to Trinity Lutheran in San Pedro, California. How that family managed not to roll their eyes is more impressive as the years go by. I had a lot to learn.
October 31st marked the 15th anniversary of my installation as pastor at Trinity San Pedro. They didn’t “need” me in the way I thought they might need me. They did need the Gospel, and I needed it too—as desperately as anyone else. I still do and they still do. We are a good match.